Waiting

Waiting.

According to Elisabeth Elliot, "Patient waiting does not come naturally to most of us, but a great deal is said about it in the Bible. It is an important discipline for anyone who wants to learn to trust." And boy, am I learning this the hard way right now.

Cody and I have been waiting 16 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day for a referral. And that's not even including the 8 months of paperwork it took prior to our names being officially registered in Ethiopia. And I guess while I'm at it, I'll mention that there were still 4 months before that of researching agencies and countries, begging God to reveal His will for our family, and numerous phone calls made and pre-applications submitted. So to add it all up, it's been nearly 2 and a half years since we began this process, and today, there is still no end in sight, no light at the end of this very dark tunnel. 

When we started this process, we knew that this waiting, this uncertainty, was a very real possibility, and if you asked us then, we would have said that things could change anytime and we were prepared for that if it happened. We also thought that our wait for a referral would be approximately 3 to 4 months. 

16 months. 3 weeks. 1 day.

I don't know how rusty your math skills may be, but that's more than 4 times as long as we initially thought. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't gotten discouraged, that I've trusted God perfectly through all these months of waiting. 

I've gotten discouraged.

I've had my doubts.

In her book Passion & Purity, Elisabeth Elliot says:

"I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts."

And as a result of all this waiting, I can honestly say that I am willing to bear the uncertainties, and I'm learning to carry my unanswered questions to God. Notice I didn't say that I've learned. I'm still learning. It's a day-by-day exercise. This stretching of faith is not exactly comfortable, but I really believe it's worth it. I want to trust, and if the discipline of patient waiting results in a deeper trust in God, so be it.

In reference to her courtship with Jim Elliot, Elisabeth wrote, "Tomorrow was not our business; it was His. Letting it rest with Him was the discipline for the day, and it was enough." She was writing about a day that they were able to spend together, and how in order to enjoy that time, they couldn't be agonizing about the future. They had to trust that it was in God's more than capable hands. During this time of waiting for our children, I have learned to thank God for this special time with Cody. This time that we get to learn more about each other as husband and wife without the responsibilities of keeping other little humans alive. It isn't always easy to be thankful. It is, as Elisabeth says, a daily discipline, but letting it rest with God is far better than worrying about it or falling into despair. That's not helpful to me, or my husband, or my children. 

"It is not that everything that has anything to do with ourselves is in itself wicked and deserving of death. It did not mean that when Jesus said, 'Not my will...' There could not have been even the smallest part of His will that was wicked. It was a choice to lay down everything--the good He had done and the good He might do if He was permitted to live--for the love of God. The same choice is offered to us."

This was encouraging to read. I was reminded that my desire to bring these children home as soon as possible isn't wicked. I'm not wrong to will that God give us a referral soon, that the process would go smoothly and quickly. God wills that we place the orphans into families. That we love one another the way Christ loved us. That we esteem others and their good better than our own. But even though I'm not wrong to want any of that, I'm called to lay aside my own will and prefer God's. If I love God, that's what I'll do. It's not easy. Sometimes I don't understand it. But I want to love God, so that's what I must do.

Reading Passion & Purity was such an encouragement to me in this long wait for our children. It was also a challenge. The final arrow to my heart was from one of Elisabeth's diary entries as she wondered what God's will was for her and Jim:

"Today the thought occurred to me, Suppose He should ask me to wait five years? It stuns me to think of it. Yet--could I imagine that the mercy of God which has stretched to me from everlasting to everlasting could be exhausted in five years?"

Surely Your mercy is enough. Thank You for teaching me to trust You completely, deeply, unconditionally.

Christmas 2013

Let's Bust a Recap : Passion & Purity

Ok, my little blog community, it's time to bust another recap. Hopefully in the months leading up to the conclusion of 2015, I'll be putting these out weekly, because we're already past the halfway mark of the year and I'm not even close to any kind of halfway mark on my book list. I don't necessarily intend to read every single book from my original list, but I at least want to have a decent amount of them (aka: more than half) completed by the end of the year. 

Anyway, without further ado, my recap on Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. I looked online for an image of the book with the cover that's the same as the one I have, but alas, I couldn't find one. Hence, you get to see this lovely little Photo Booth selfie of me holding one of my most beloved books. 

I first read this book shortly after graduating college in 2008 as it was a gift from a dear classmate of mine. I loved it then, but I have to say, this second read-through was much more poignant for me. 

Elisabeth Elliot wrote Passion & Purity in 1984 in response to numerous letters she received asking questions regarding staying pure outside of marriage, the roles of men and women in romantic relationships, and how to honor God while "falling in love". Within the pages of the book, she recounts her own struggles in all these departments during her 5-year courtship with Jim Elliot. Not only is this book chock-full of Scripture and words from encouraging hymns of the faith, it contains entries from her diaries and letters from Jim as well. Her main focus in the book is living in obedience to God and loving His will for your life above all else. She doesn't shy away from the hard questions or conceal the struggles she herself dealt with, and writes plainly and truthfully about what the will of God is. 

I love it.

This is one of those books that I would highly recommend to anyone. If you are single but want to be married someday, this book is for you. If you are single and don't ever want to be married, this book is for you. If you are married, this book is for you. If you are a romantic, this book is for you. If you are in a season of waiting--for anything--this book is for you. If you are a Christian, this book is most certainly for you. 

I think the reason that this reading of the book was so much more touching to me was the timing. This book was written in 1984, but it could not possibly be more relevant to the current generation. With all the recent changes our country has been undergoing in regards to marriage and morality, this book boldly proclaims the truth of God's word without compromising. God's truth is never out of date, never lacking relevance, never not applicable. No matter what anyone says, God's word is always right, even if it's not popular and even when it means denying self. I think any Christian would benefit and be encouraged by the reading of Passion & Purity, especially now.

The other reason I was so affected by this reading of Passion & Purity is because I am currently in a tough season of waiting as Cody and I seek to adopt. Although Elisabeth Elliot writes about the challenges of waiting for marriage, I found my heart being squeezed with conviction about my attitude and my faith while I wait for God's will concerning bringing children into our family. It was challenging and encouraging and emotional to read this book with our personal situation in mind. Don't be surprised if a post pops up soon quoting Passion & Purity and our struggle with the long wait in this adoption process. 

To sum it up, I would seriously encourage you to grab a copy of Passion & Purity and read it for yourself. There were whole chapters I wanted to copy down and share on the blog, and I told Cody while I was reading it that I just wanted to memorize the whole book. It's really good, and I'm so glad I included it on my book list this year. It couldn't have been a more appropriate thing to read as we face so many drastic changes in this country. 

Have you ever read Passion & Purity or anything else by Elisabeth Elliot? Are you in a tough season of waiting? Do you know where you stand on issues of morality and purity, and are you willing to stand alone if it comes to that?

Hold All My Calls

Sometime during the wee hours this morning, I finished Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. 

I love her and everything she writes. 

Check back on Thursday for my recap on it.

I'm going back to sleep now.

noisome effluvium

It's time for another vocabulary lesson, faithful readers. In light of her recent passing, I have begun reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. In the very first chapter, I came across this descriptive little sentence describing the room she lived in her senior year of college:

"The closed windows shut out neither the tremendous crash and clatter of early morning collections nor the noisome effluvium of the day's cooking."

Noisome effluvium? Effluvium? I had to consult my trusty dictionary.

effluvium (noun): an unpleasant or harmful odor, secretion, or discharge

I'm not sure what I thought "effluvium" might mean, but I was not expecting that. I decided to look up "noisome" too, for good measure:

noisome (adjective): having an extremely offensive smell; disagreeable; unpleasant; harmful, noxious

I'm not sure what they were cooking at Wheaton College back in the 1940s, but I'm glad I wasn't there to smell it.

Does your cooking produce noisome effluvium? I mean, my kitchen still reeks of last night's tacos (no worries, I'm about to go bust out the febreeze), but I wouldn't exactly call it noisome effluvium...