Selfish Love

Ok, I have one more quote from Vanity Fair. I promise, last one. Check it out: 

"He had placed himself at her feet so long that the poor little woman had been accustomed to trample upon him. She didn't wish to marry him, but she wished to keep him. She wished to give him nothing, but that he should give her all. It is a bargain not unfrequently levied in love."

From chapter 66 ("Amantium Irae") on page 662.

Read that last line again: "It is a bargain not unfrequently levied in love."

Is this love? Treating someone like a doormat? Expecting to gain everything, but intending to give nothing? Keeping someone around because they do nice things for us?

"Love is patient,

love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant,

does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own,

is not provoked,

does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never fails..."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NASB)

There's no such thing as "selfish love"-- only selfishness. How many of us treat our spouses this way? Our parents? Friends? Jesus?

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13 (KJV)

Tell the Truth

Ok, I have another quote from Vanity Fair for you today. I know, I know: you thought we were finished with Vanity Fair, right? Wrong! Muaahahahaha! I just thought this one was too good not to share:

"But that is the misfortune of beginning with this kind of forgery. When one fib becomes due as it were, you must forge another to take up the old acceptance; and so the stock of your lies in circulation inevitably multiplies, and the danger of detection increases every day." 

From chapter 66 ("Amantium Irae") on page 652.

Does this sound familiar to you?  Like maybe:

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!"
-Sir Walter Scott, Marmion

Or how about:

"He who tells a lie, is not sensible how great a task he undertakes; for he must be forced to invent twenty more to maintain that one."
-Alexander Pope

Lying is a messy business. Not only is it complicated to maintain a lie, as all these quotes suggest, lying ruins relationships. I would venture to say that the basis for any good relationship is trust. With one lie, that foundation can be instantly destroyed. In some cases, trust may be rebuilt with time. In others, trust is lost forever.

God hates lying. He says so in His Word.

"There are six things which the Lord hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him; haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, a false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers."
-Proverbs 6:16-19 (NASB)

"Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal faithfully are His delight."
-Proverbs 12:22 (NASB)

"What is desirable  in a man is his kindness, and it is better to be a poor man than a liar."
-Proverbs 19:22 (NASB)

"He who practices deceit shall not dwell within My house; he who speaks falsehood shall not maintain his position before Me."
-Psalm 101:7 (NASB)

Not only does God clearly hate lying, He explicitly tells us not to lie.

"Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit."
-Psalm 34:13 (NASB)

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another."
-Ephesians 4:25 (NASB)

"Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him."
-Colossians 3:9-10 (NASB)

Let's review: lying is complicated and messy. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. Thackeray, Scott, and Pope among countless others throughout history could obviously see the dangerous effects of lying. Lying ruins relationships by completely destroying trust. God hates--I'm talking, absolutely abhors--lying and commands us not to lie in His Word.

So why risk it?

"...you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free."  -John 8:32 (NASB)

Gentlemen

Let's talk a little today about what makes a "gentleman". Thackeray puts it pretty eloquently in Vanity Fair:

"Perhaps [gentlemen] are rarer personages than some of us think for. Which of us can point out many such in his circle--men whose aims are generous, whose truth is constant, and not only constant in its kind, but elevated in its degree; whose want of meanness makes them simple: who can look the world honestly in the face with an equal manly sympathy for the great and the small? We all know a hundred whose coats are very well made, and a score who have excellent manners, and one or two happy beings who are what they call, in the inner circles, and have shot into the very centre and bull's-eye of the fashion; but of gentlemen how many?"

From chapter 62 ("Am Rhein") page 613-614.

I have been very blessed in this life to have a true gentleman for a father and now a true gentleman for a husband.

From the time I was born, this man has cared for my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. He taught me to be respectful to all people and to never tolerate disrespect from men. He has always told me that I'm beautiful, and he took me on lots of dates to teach me what to expect from a man and to never accept anything less than that. Most importantly, he introduced me to Christ and taught me God's Word from the time I was very small. My dad has been the most consistent person in my life. I have never heard him preach something from the pulpit that he does not live out daily in his personal life. I cannot possibly thank God enough that this man is my father.

Almost 3 years ago now, I married this man. He is now the one caring for my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Throughout our marriage, he has displayed every aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit toward me consistently and lovingly. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Gentleness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Self-Control. This man never fails to point me back to Christ and the Scriptures. This man never fails to tell me I'm beautiful. And this man never fails to hold me when I cry. I am so thankful that I waited for Cody, and I cannot begin to thank God enough that this man is my husband.

I was reading Ruth yesterday and this topic of gentlemen came to my mind when I read this verse about Boaz:

"Then [Naomi] said, 'Wait, my daughter, until you know how the matter turns out; for the man will not rest until he has settled it today.'"

Ruth 3:18 (NASB)

Ruth is one of the shortest books in the Bible, but I think it contains the story of one of the most noble gentlemen in history. This man Boaz took care of Ruth, a poor, widowed, foreigner, with no thought of himself or what he might gain by providing for her. Then, when Ruth actually came to him to ask for his aid, he did not rest until he was able to meet her request. This is a beautiful love story, and I would encourage you to read it. It's very short and you could finish it in less than half an hour. I'm so thankful for God's Word and how it has power and authority to instruct me in every area of life. Ultimately, my father could teach me what to expect from a man because he learned it from God's Word. My husband knows how to treat me in a way that glorifies God because he learned it from God's Word. What an indescribable gift!

Have you read the book of Ruth? Who do you think are some of the greatest Biblical or historical gentlemen? Do you have true gentlemen in your life? 

Let's Bust A Recap : Vanity Fair

Yes. It is finished. I have completed Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray. *cue the Hallelujah Chorus and bring on the selfies* This was my big novel for the year, y'all. 67 chapters. 680 pages. I began reading this monster on January 19 and completed it March 18. Not bad. At one point, I was on track to finish by the end of February, but my brush with death threw me off that track for a couple weeks. Let's attempt a recap, shall we?

Let's start off by talking a little bit about Thackeray and the inspiration for the novel that rocketed him into instant fame as an author.

William Makepeace Thackeray lived between 1811 and 1863. Vanity Fair was published in monthly installments in a London periodical called Punch during 1847 and 1848. After the last installment, it was published in book form and was an instant success, elevating Thackeray to the rank of major novelist. Rightfully so, believe me. The title and novel were inspired by John Bunyan's Vanity Fair in his enduring work The Pilgrim's Progress. In The Pilgrim's Progress, Vanity Fair was an ancient carnival on the outskirts of a town called Vanity. Permanently situated in the path that leads toward Heaven, Vanity Fair tried to lure men away from their proper spiritual goal and has done so since the beginning of time. (Ecclesiastes, anyone?) I had no idea that this was the inspiration for Vanity Fair, and it makes me a little happy that The Pilgrim's Progress is also on my reading list this year. Fun connection.

Vanity Fair is a historical novel set in the early 1800s with one of the main events in the book being the Battle of Waterloo in which the Duke of Wellington overthrew Napoleon Bonaparte. Now do not be deceived, this novel is hardly a history lesson. It is complete fiction with only certain historic events mentioned to mark the time in which the story is set.

Our narrative is cast with a host of colorful characters, too many to even begin to name. Many would say that the main character in Vanity Fair is Rebecca Sharp, but I would argue that Amelia Sedley and William Dobbin were given just as much attention and detail by Thackeray as Becky was. The novel centers mainly around three families: the Crawley family, the Sedley family, and the Osborne family (much to my chagrin as Osborne is my maiden name and I hated the Osborne family in Vanity Fair. *sigh*). Other major players include the O'Dowds, the Southdowns, and the Marquis of Steyne.

In Vanity Fair, Rebecca Sharp and Amelia Sedley could not be any more different from each other. Rebecca's ultimate goal is to elevate herself from her poor station in life by any means necessary. She is cunning, devious, and entirely wicked. Amelia, on the other hand, is the sweetest and most innocent of women, always assuming the best in people and forgiving even the worst offenses committed against her without question. As our story follows the lives of these two women, the contrast is undeniable, and you can't help but beg for justice as the tale unfolds.

I have mixed feelings about whether I would recommend this novel. I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed it. The writing was superb. As I have mentioned in other posts, it is complete satire and I found myself pondering the different vices of men and realizing once again that there is nothing new under the sun. I also found myself laughing a lot, and I got emotionally involved in the novel. I intensely disliked certain characters (good riddance, George! die, Becky!), wished others would just grow a spine already (c'mon, Amelia), and rooted for some wholeheartedly (GO DOBBIN!). Parts of the book disgusted me while others had me giggling gleefully. Vanity Fair is considered a classic and has inspired several film adaptations. I believe that all these qualities make a book excellent and worth reading. If you are an avid reader, I would highly recommend you taking the time to read Vanity Fair.

However, there were times of transition in the story that bogged me down a bit. Pages of introductions to places and people that, while setting the stage for what was about to happen, were overly wordy and hard to read. The narrative follows the lives of several people and is almost biographical in nature. Vanity Fair itself is subtitled A Novel Without A Hero, so if you like to read books based solely on their compelling plots, you may be disappointed reading Vanity Fair and give up on it before finishing.

All in all, I think Vanity Fair is definitely worth reading, but if you do decide to take it on, I would encourage you to really commit yourself to finishing it before you even start. If you read it, come back and leave me a comment so I can congratulate you and bake you some cookies. Seriously. I will.

On a final note, Vanity Fair reminded me of the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes with a cynical narrator throughout, and, in fact, the final words of the novel are practically taken out of that wise work.

"Ah! Vanitas Vanitatum! Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?--Come, children, let us shut up the box and the puppets, for our play is played out."

From chapter 67 ("Births, Marriages, and Deaths") page 680.

What about you? Have you read Vanity Fair? What is your opinion of it? Have I piqued anyone's curiosity? Has anyone seen a film adaptation? I watched the trailer for the one starring Reese Witherspoon, and I am very skeptical. It looks as if they would have you sympathize with Becky, and I am just not about that. At this point, I don't want to watch it, but if anyone who has read Vanity Fair would recommend any film adaptation of it, I am open to seeing one.

I still have a few quotes from the last few chapters of the book that I will probably be discussing here on the ol' blog so don't be surprised if this isn't my last word on Vanity Fair.

Peace out, cub scouts.

For the Love of Mozart

"A new world of love and beauty broke upon her when she was introduced to those divine compositions: this lady had the keenest and finest sensibility, and how could she be indifferent when she heard Mozart? The tender parts of Don Juan awakened in her raptures so exquisite that she would ask herself when she went to say her prayers of a night, whether it was not wicked to feel so much delight as that with which Vedrai Carino and Batti, Batti filled her gentle little bosom? But the major, whom she consulted upon this head, as her theological advisor (and who himself had a pious and reverent soul), said that for his part, every beauty of art or nature made him thankful as well as happy; and that the pleasure to be had in listening to fine music, as in looking at the stars in the sky, or at a beautiful landscape or picture, was a benefit for which he might thank Heaven as sincerely as for any other worldly blessing."

Vanity Fair, chapter 62 ("Am Rhein") page 613

For anyone who may be unaware, these two arias are from Mozart's Don Giovanni. Does anyone out there love the opera as much as I do? One of my favorite memories is from college when I went on a "study tour" in Austria, Italy, and France. A few of my musically-minded friends and I went to see an opera at the Vienna State Opera House. L'elisir d'amore (The Elixir of Love) by Gaetano Donizetti. Standing room only. Crammed in like a bunch of sardines. But, oh my heavens. Talk about awakening raptures so exquisite. If you ever get the chance to go to an opera, jump on it.

17 March 2008 : snapped during intermission

otiosity

I thought I'd poke in here on a Tuesday because I just came across the word "otiosity" while reading Vanity Fair. (I'm getting close to the end, y'all, hallelujah! Be looking out for a recap soon.) Has anyone else ever heard of this word? I hadn't. It comes from the word "otiose"and I think Thackeray made it up because I didn't see "otiosity" anywhere in the dictionary.

otiose (adjective): serving no practical purpose or result; indolent, idle

Its origin is in the late 18th century. I love it. The "t" is pronounced more like a "sh" sound. In Vanity Fair, Thackeray is using it to describe one of our principal characters. 

"Joseph Sedley then led a life of dignified otiosity such as became a person of his eminence."

This is straight out of chapter 60 ("Returns to the Genteel World"), and is found on page 592 in my copy.  Yes, you heard me right. Chapter 60. Page 592. This book is no joke.

Anyway, I like it, and I'm adding it to my vocabulary. Perhaps this post is the stuff of otiosity, maybe even this entire blog is, but there you have it. Have a fabulous Tuesday afternoon!

Do you have a favorite word that's maybe a little obscure?

Remorse

Today I want to deviate from my pattern a little bit. I know, I know, what pattern?! Well, at least for the quotes I've been sharing from Vanity Fair, I have posted the quote and then expounded on it with some of my own personal thoughts on the subject. For today, I want to put up this quote and then open the floor for discussion. So without further ado, here is the quote:

"It may perhaps have struck her that to have been honest and humble, to have done her duty, and to have marched straightforward on her way, would have brought her as near happiness as that path by which she was striving to attain it. But,---just as the children at Queen's Crawley went round the room, where the body of their father lay;---if ever Becky had these thoughts, she was accustomed to walk round them, and not look in. She eluded them, and despised them---or at least she was committed to the other path from which retreat was now impossible. And for my part I believe that remorse is the least active of all a man's moral senses---the very easiest to be deadened when wakened: and in some never wakened at all. We grieve at being found out, and at the idea of shame or punishment; but the mere sense of wrong makes very few people unhappy in Vanity Fair."

This paragraph comes out of chapter 41 ("In Which Becky Revisits the Halls of Her Ancestors") and is on page 415 in my book.

First of all, may I just say that I am enjoying Thackeray's writing immensely? Because I am. He is so good. I mean, have you ever tip-toed around certain thoughts instead of facing them head on? His analogy is beautiful.

Now, what do you think? Is remorse the least active of all a man's moral senses? Is Thackeray's statement true or false? And if true, is it true across the board for Christians and non-Christians alike? Let's start this week off with some edifying debate. 

Listen Up, Girls!

If there's one thing in this life that breaks my heart and drives me to my knees, it's people being ugly to other people. Human beings, created in the very image of God (Genesis 1:27), tearing down other human beings. There have been days when Cody has come home to a weeping wife simply because I was reading the comment section of some article on the internet. (Why do I keep doing that?! Note to self: read the article and move on with your day, Hannah.) People are nasty. We have all been guilty of saying things we ought not say, myself included. I have spent too many sleepless nights wishing I could reel some heedless words I spewed out back in. But it truly blows my mind how complete strangers will rip into each other over this world wide anonymous web. 

And you know what's worse? We women are the champions of this. We always have been. It's as old as Sarai and Hagar (Genesis chapters 16 and 21). Probably older, but that's the first recorded account in the Bible of a woman bullying another woman. We know just how to cut someone down, and what's worse: we can do it with a sweet smile on our face and finish it off with a "Bless your heart!" (At least, down here in The South we can.)

This behavior does not go unnoticed. Look at this little snippet out of Vanity Fair:

"Who has not seen how women bully women? What tortures have men to endure, comparable to those daily-repeated shafts of scorn and cruelty with which poor women are riddled by the tyrants of their sex?  Poor victims!"

This particular gem comes out of chapter 33 ("Miss Crawley's Relations Are Anxious") and can be found on page 318 in my copy.

Ladies, this should not be. In his first letter to the Thessalonians, Paul commends us to encourage one another and build each other up. As wives, moms, friends, daughters, sisters, we ought to be in each other's corner. We should be cheering each other on, praying for one another, empathizing through struggles, and rejoicing together through triumphs.

Not talking behind each other's backs, gossiping at every opportunity, and shaming each other when we don't agree on some subject. This is not becoming, and it does not go unseen. I would challenge any woman reading this (in fact, even if you're not a woman, I challenge you, too) to make a point to go out of your way this week to encourage another woman. Tell someone she's doing something right.

Just remember what your momma always taught you: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. And if your momma didn't teach you that, go write it on your mirror right now.

Also, I just gotta shout out my little brother right now. Happy Birthday, Oakie! I love you forever!

Both photos from our May 2011 Spain adventures.

P.S. Caroline, make sure he sees this, will ya? Thanks, girl!  ;)

Marriage

Marriage. I'm not an expert. I've been married a grand total of 2 years, 9 months, and 6 blessed days. But let's talk about it anyway. When it is done God's way, it's a beautiful thing. I thank God that Cody is my husband, and I pray that our marriage glorifies God all our days together. But do we as Christians exalt it maybe a little too high? Is it the ultimate prize, the heaven of life? Is that marital relationship even more important to us than our relationship with God Almighty? Sometimes I think we jump in too quickly. Consider this quote from Vanity Fair: 

"There were but nine days past since Amelia had left that little cottage and home--and yet how far off the time seemed since she had bidden it farewell.  What a gulf lay between her and that past life.  She could look back to it from her present standing-place, and contemplate, almost as another being, the young unmarried girl absorbed in her love, having no eyes but for one special object, receiving parental affection if not ungratefully, at least indifferently, and as if it were her due--her whole heart and thoughts bent on the accomplishment of one desire.  The review of those days, so lately gone yet so far away, touched her with shame; and the aspect of the kind parents filled her with tender remorse.  Was the prize gained--the heaven of life--and the winner still doubtful and unsatisfied? As his hero and heroine pass the matrimonial barrier, the novelist generally drops the curtain, as if the drama were over then: the doubts and struggles of life ended: as if, once landed in the marriage country, all were green and pleasant there: and wife and husband had nothing but to link each other's arms together, and wander gently downwards towards old age in happy and perfect fruition.  But our little Amelia was just on the bank of her new country, and was already looking anxiously back towards the sad friendly figures waving farewell to her across the stream, from the other distant shore."

 This paragraph comes out of chapter 26 ("Between London and Chatham") and, in my copy, is found on pages 250 and 251.

Thackeray gets it. We paint a pretty picture. We read books and watch movies and sigh contentedly over the perfect love stories and the happily ever afters. We're sucked in by the highs and lows before the marriage and cheer the couple on through the hard times, right down the church aisle and then, bam!, end scene. What about the highs and lows after the wedding? This makes me want to talk about two things.

1-Be very, very, VERY careful about who you marry. I can not possibly emphasize this enough. Do you really know the person you are so head-over-heels about? Have you gone to any trusted third party for counsel and a different perspective? A perspective that's not blurred by planning the perfect wedding and "OMG, our kids will be so cute"? And if you did, did you listen? Really listen? Did you spend any time building a relationship with this person before you started to date and let your hormones run wild? Were you friends? Have you observed any of his (or her) non-romantic relationships to see how he (or she) treats people? Do your homework, people. Don't jump into a marriage with a stranger. Take the time to get to know each other. And not in a physical context. In Vanity Fair, our sweet Amelia knew George her entire life, but always through the context that she would one day marry him. Her biggest problem was that she didn't know his character. He was perfect in her eyes, and she didn't make the effort to understand who he really was. This idea that they were made for each other and would one day undoubtedly marry was fostered by their parents from the time they were small. Which brings me to my second point:

2-This one is for the parents. Have you taught your children the truth about marriage? Have you raised them with the understanding that no matter how in love with someone they may be, they will face conflict? I'm talking about your little children. Not your engaged daughter who already thinks Mr. Right can do no wrong. Not your 24 year old son who just wants to get down that aisle and on to the honeymoon to enjoy all that guilt-free sex. They won't hear you at that point. They don't want to hear you at that point. This is a conversation that needs to start when your kids are young and continue during all their high school crushes and serious adult relationships. They need to know that all these wonderful marriages they see sitting in the pews at church are hard-fought and hard-won. That they didn't just "wander gently downwards towards old age in happy and perfect fruition." The other disadvantage Amelia faced was that her parents were not truthful with her about marriage, nor did they teach her what to expect from marriage. They only encouraged her in her blind devotion to George, and urged her toward the marriage rather than throw any caution in her way.

I'm so thankful that Cody and I got to know each other as people for 16 years....16 YEARS.....before we ever considered a romantic relationship. I'm even more thankful that I have two wonderful parents who laid an honest foundation for me and taught me realistic expectations for marriage. These past 2 years, 9 months and 6 days truly have been wonderful, and I wouldn't trade Cody or my marriage for anything. I don't look wistfully back across that gulf to days gone by. But this time has not been without its struggles, and I'm thankful for the parents who taught me how to face those struggles with the determination to find God's solution every time.

Let me conclude this post with some of the words from the Form of Solemnization of Matrimony which is typically read at the beginning of a wedding ceremony (emphasis is my own):

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him speak now, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace."

Oh that we would enter into marriage in the fear of God.

Be Kind For Real

Alright, now that we've laid some groundwork in this little section of cyberspace, let's get into what I'm currently reading.    

Vanity Fair, y'all.  It's the most satirical thing I've ever read.  Today, I want to discuss the following quote:

"Praise everybody, I say to such: never be squeamish, but speak out your compliment both pointblank in a man's face, and behind his back, when you know there is a reasonable chance of his hearing it again. Never lose a chance of saying a kind word. As Collingwood never saw a vacant place in his estate but he took an acorn out of his pocket and popped it in; so deal with your compliments through life. An acorn costs nothing; but it may sprout into a prodigious bit of timber."

This particular quote comes out of chapter 19 ("Miss Crawley at Nurse"), and, in my copy of Vanity Fair, is on page 180.

Upon a cursory reading, one might think, "That's right.  We should never miss an opportunity to be kind.  That's good."  But let's dig in a little deeper, shall we?  

"Never lose a chance of saying a kind word." If we rip this out of its context, I would agree with it 100%.  I'd needlepoint it on a pillow and pin it on pinterest (if I had an account...or knew how to needlepoint stuff). But let's look at these two phrases: "...when you know there is a reasonable chance of his hearing it again..." and "...it may sprout into a prodigious bit of timber." The author's implication then is to never miss an opportunity to be kind if in doing so, we gain something.  

Is this true kindness? While gaining something, whether a friendship or a favor, may be a natural byproduct of authentic kindness, being kind only to benefit from the act is not real kindness.  

Paul said, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32 NASB) Jesus Himself said, "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28 NASB)  In fact, He goes on to say, "If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same." (Luke 6:33) 

If I really want to be kind the way Jesus said to, I will be kind unconditionally.  Never mind the "prodigious bit of timber" I may or may not get in the process.